Weird

Everybody is strange. Did you ever, in your life, get to know someone who didn't turn out to be very weird? We have this idea that there are millions of normal, regular people out there, sort of the type-cast extras in the movie of our life. But if you zero in on any one of them you find a very richly textured and bizarre personality. Without exception. I think that what phsychiatrists, et.al. would classify and analyze as a mental illness (dissociative disorder, neurosis, schizophrenia) is what the rest of us call "personality." And, if you think that you personally are not weird...my friend you've got a big denial problem, and you need to find some help.

Prediction

Despite all the bad times that appear to be on the horizon, I have this good feeling about the new year. Intuitively I feel like 2003 is going to be a very, very good year for mankind. One that will always be remembered as a turning point, a beginning. Last night right after the the new year happened, I suddenly had what was either a psychic moment or a brief period of delusion. Sounds strange, but it was like I could taste or feel or somehow sense the quality of the time, like the new year was some new stream of water we are floating in. And it's wonderful, surprisingly wonderful compared to previous years, and compared to what I have been expecting. And again, I know this sounds weird, but fuckit, nobody reads this much anyway. This year is going to be like the hero showing up at the last minute (Gandalf on his white charger) against all hope. This year will be a blessing, like winning the lottery. I mean, sure, there will be war with Sadam, probably, but that will be brief and necessary pain, like lancing a boil. Then, things unexpected will happen, things wonderful. Stuff will come together and it will be great. Now this will be a test of my intuition vs. my intellect (my intellect has been saying, "Oh, shit! Things are about to fall apart.") Intellectualy I still can't see anything but troubles ahead, but intuitively something tells me, "Hold onto your seats, folks, this is gonna be fun!"

The Future

We are finally living in the future. 2003. I used to think 1984 was the future. It seemed far into a dark and scary future. Now I realize it's in the past. 2003 is the future, and we have all finally made it. Much better to think, "I'm living in the future, right now." Than, "I'm living in the present." The present is always slipping into the past so fast that we can't quite get a hold of it. But the future. The future is always fresh and just right here, right here on the edge. Always new. Never exhausted, because the future goes on forever, it's made of infinity. The present moment is always going away. It goes away forever. The present falls into the past. And it's in the past my ego exists. Where all the events, the thoughts, and longings that make up "me" exist. And all my pasts gaze with awe at this moment, this eternal future that floats here forever, free and clear. And this is it, right now.

SkinnyDippin

Posting personal stuff to this web log is like skinny dipping way the fuck out in the wilderness where nobody is likely to see you...

Blogger Broke Go Boom

Even the Trouble shooting page gives a strange error message.

2 AM again

What the fuck is up with my life? Here I am cruisin the net in the middle of the night again. I clearly remember lying in bed around age 7, looking into the dark and wondering what in the living hell is going on! What is all this? And here I am age 53 still confused. But now (right now), instead of the dark, it's a glowing piece of glass.


On a brighter note. It's fun to cruise the web in the middle of the night. Looking ..in ...on.. random.. Blogs... is a little like walking down a sidewalk glancing in open windows at strangers' lives. The monitor is a magic window into other universes. Life as voyeurism.

Cocoon of Infinity

Slept 'til 11:00 this morning after my late night orgy of movies, almonds, and ice cream. It's always a bit of a surprise when this happens: for a minute or so during my morning meditation with Holosync I just let go completely and oozed in/out into blissful, comforting awareness, just like Maharishi used to describe the Transcendent. Ironic that after all these years of meditation, I would start getting the benefits of TM when I'm doing Holosync. It's such a simple and natural feeling just to Be. Like an ocean of Self, unshakeable, eternal, secure. Wrapped up in Nothingness. Then, of course, it went away, and I got up to make coffee, eggs and ground beef. (Did you know that all this Hindu vegetarian shit is fairly recent? There's lots of evidence that in the classic Vedic civilization they ate cows gasp!)?

Big Difference

We were supposed to go to a friend's house tonight, but my wife got sick, so we stayed home and I rented Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Our daughter (9) decided she didn't like it almost immediately when the guy carting around the bodies of people who died from the plague showed up. My wife lost interest too as her stomach got worse. I watched for a while but dozed off several times. It's not as good as I had remembered it. Everyone went to bed, so around 10:30 I headed out to the movies, of course. Saw Gangs of New York. Long and violent like Two Towers. Excellent acting, like TT. So why did this movie leave me flat, while Two Towers touched me, uplifted me, and left me wanting more? Gangs was about greed, vengence, hatred, lust, murder. Two Towers was about self sacrifice, duty, honor, love and friendship. In Gangs nobody was really on the side of, well, Goodness. Nobody was really right. Moral relativism projected back into "history." The cult of personality, power, ego, selfishness...hmmm sounds like Hollywood.