The World of Make Believe

What if Bush turns out as to be as bad as his critics on the far left imagine him to be? Try this. Imagine Bush taking total control of our military, killing or imprisoning every member of congress and the supreme court, and replacing them with his own people. And imagine Bush, personally, pulling out a gun and blowing Powell’s brains out for an implied criticism. Imagine that he literally tortures to death anyone who stands up to oppose him and even sets up special prisons for the children of his opponents. Try to pretend for just a moment that we are living in that America. And imagine that Bush uses the full might of our military to patrol our city streets and arrest any of us who dissent. And pretend someone right in your own trembling city, say your own son, does try to speak truth to power and stages a protest. Imagine he is captured by our own military, his tongue torn out of his mouth, and his body paraded around town with a derogatory sign around the neck. Remember, this is your own son or daughter, not some brown guy in the middle east with an unpronounceable name. And, just for fun, pretend Bush uses poison gas on American cities where dissent is particularly strong, causing tens of thousands to die horrible deaths. And, imagine that Bush sets up free food distribution sites, called humanitarian centers. But these are almost the only places you can get food, and you won’t get food and you won't get medical treatment for your children unless you toe the Republican party line (and if you're a Democrat, you're dead). Imagine living in abject poverty and misery and watching your children waste away while Bush spends all the nation’s wealth on palaces for himself and on more and more weapons for his military. Imagine your life totally, hopelessly in the power of a psychopathic tyrant. In short, imagine living in a country exactly like Iraq. Ok, got it? Now pretend there is some super-powerful nation somewhere on the planet, say it’s France, whose citizens are free and whose government is elected. Imagine that country has it in its power to free us from this beast, this tyrant, George W Bush, and imagine it is just on the verge of doing it. But then some French movie stars show up for a few days in Washington along with some pasty-faced French socialist/pacifists. And they convince the French government to avoid the war at all costs, because war isn’t nice. Imagine the French back off, Bush stays in power, and things go on getting worse and worse. Wouldn’t that just tick you off? Wouldn't that probably just put you off French movies, like, forever... In fact, something like that could positively ruin the market for French movies in this country. See where I'm headed? We must depose Sadaam for the sake of the American movie industry in Iraq! Preferably before the Academy Awards show.

What About the 9th Circle of Hell?

The Swiss have offered Sadaam a retirement option.

Marriage Quotes*

These cheer me up for some reason.

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From Lorie Kramer on Rense.com:

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. --Socrates

If you are afraid of loneliness, do not marry. --Chekhov

Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which is never advisable. --Oscar Wilde

Marriage is a mutual relationship if both parties know when to be mute.

Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo...

Marriage is the sole cause of divorce.

Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.

Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.

Feminists are OK, I just wouldn't want my sister to marry one.

Nuns: Women who marry god. If they divorce Him, do they get half the universe?

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. -- Groucho Marx

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. --Groucho Marx

Why bother with marriage? Just find a woman you hate and buy her a house.

I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me. --Dick Martin

If you never want to see a man again, say, "I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children..." - they'll leave skid marks. --Rita Rudner

My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home from work one day and found me in bed with her. --Lenny Bruce


My darling wife was always glum. I drowned her in a cask of rum, And so made sure that she would stay, In better spirits night and day.

One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: give little, give seldom, and above all, give grudgingly. Otherwise, what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust. --Ruth Smythers, Marriage advice for women, 1894

There is no realizable power that man cannot, in time, fashion the tools to attain, nor any power so secure that the naked ape will not abuse it. So it is written in the genetic cards - only physics and war hold him in check. And the wife who wants him home by five, of course. --Encyclopaedia Apocryphia

Happy Vasectomy, Eric. Your loving wife and children: Chris, Aida, George, Carol, Yolanda, Joan, Shirley, Susan, Anita, Aileen, Jackie, Shelia, Bruce, Dean, Frank and Maxine. --Rolling Stone Classified Ad
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*"Quote" used as "quotation" is unacceptable to 85% of the Usage Panel. But almost everyone (except my wife) agrees with me that it is the shorter of the two words.

New Moon

on March 3. New regime on March 4?

Of course, much could also depend on exactly what time the moon comes up/down in Baghdad. So, I used my Meade Star Finder software to look at the night sky over Baghdad for the end of February. On 2/26 the moon doesn't rise until about 3:30 am with sunset around 6:00 pm. That would give a good nine hours of dark. But by 2/28 the moon is a crescent sliver and doesn't rise until almost 5:30 am, just before sunrise. So, that sounds like a good evening for attack by those who rule the night. Maybe even the 27th...

Tonight's Movie

Chinese kungfu swordplay fantasy accompanied by red wine and potatoes with barbecue sauce. The Bride With White Hair starring Brigitte Lin Ching Hsia and Leslie Cheung. In ancient China, the Wu Tang clan led by the a kungfu master and his rebelious disciple are beset by a death cult led by back-to-back siamese twin brother/sister sorcerers and their rebelious witch woman. Witch woman (Brigitte) and rebelious disciple (Leslie) fall in love and get it on beneath a sparkling waterfall. Brigitte is gorgeous, strong, and world weary. When she fights, she's ferocious. When she makes love, she's in ecstasy. Everything goes as you would expect with lots of flying swordfights, beheadings, kungu bullwhipings, and sadomasochistic courage. It all takes place amidst dream-like rainbow-colored artificial scenery that sets the mood perfectly. The subtitles are in excellent English, with none of the, "You go fight evil demon yesterday." type of lines. I give it a B. Not bad.

Bush's Sad Eyes

in the state of the union speech. I suspect we have been in a desperate fight with Al Quida and other Islamists in the last few months and most of us were mostly unaware of it. Blissfully so. But, of course, Bush would know. That would explain his sad eyes. The crazies are coming at us and our backs are against the wall. We had New Year's Eve and the Super Bowl and a hundred other events where we whooped it up and nothing happened. Why? Maybe it was that close, but our efforts both on and off the record have been just enough to keep them at bay. That seems to be the gist of a Bill Gertz article in the Wash. Times. We've been disrupting them so far, but that can only go on for so long. They will attack us again:

"The attack will be large-scale," one official said. Additionally, the intelligence reports stated that any major attack is likely to be preceded by smaller-scale strikes, including assassinations of prominent people in the United States, the official said."

We've got to get at their support base. Bush's strategy of taking out Sadaam and inspiring fear in the other states that sponsor terrorists is, as we used to say in the peace movement, right on.

Home Eaters

Someone sent me the following. I wish I had written it:
____________________________
April 13, 2099
Reunited Press

After much heated debate on the house floor, legislation was passed
today to allow a growing number of families to cook meals for their
families in their homes. The children must have annual physical
examinations to assure proper growth and weight gain. Attempts to
require weekly meal plans and monthly kitchen inspections were voted
down.

A spokesperson from the National Association of Nutritionists (NANs)
condemns this decision. "These children are being denied the rich
socialization and diversity that is an essential part of the eating
process. Without the proper nutritional background, it is impossible
for the average person to feed their own children. We, as child
advocates, see this as a step backwards and speak out for the sake of
the children who cannot speak for themselves."

Homecooking parents say the benefits of eating at home include
increased family unity and the ability to tailor a diet to a
particular need. Elizabeth Crocker, a home cook, states, "We started
cooking and eating at home when we realized that my son had a severe
allergy to eggs. The public kitchens required him to take numerous
medications that had serious side effects in order to counteract his
allergy. We found that eliminating eggs was a simpler method and our
son has thrived since we began doing so."

After this experience, the Crockers decided to home cook for all of
their children, and converted their media room into a kitchen.
Elizabeth says, "We have experienced so much closeness as we have
explored recipes and spent time cooking together and eating together.
We have a dining circle with other families where we sometimes share
ideas and meals together."

The Crocker children have done well physically under their mother's
care, weighing in at optimum weights for their ages and having health
records far above average. It should be noted that Mrs. Crocker,
while not a professional nutritionist, has a family history rich with
nutritionists and home economists. "Surely the success of the Crocker
children is due to the background of their mother," responded the
spokesman from NANs. "The results they have achieved should not be
viewed as normative." Mrs. Crocker counters that her background was
actually a hindrance to the nutritional principles she follows. "Our
paternal great-grandmother was a home economist, but she prepared
most meal from pre-made mixes. In our homecooking we try not to
duplicate public-kitchen meals, but to tailor our meals to the needs
and preferences of our children."

In a related issue, legislation is in committee that would provide
oversight for the emerging homecooking movement. Says the Home Eating
Legal Defense Association (HELDA): "We want to provide umbrella
kitchens to aid parents in the complicated tasks of feeding their
children. Many families lack the expertise of the Crocker family, yet
desire to eat at home. As we have seen, the umbrella kitchens meet
the needs of all concerned. We are happy to provide this service."

by Angela Paul

We're All Gonna Die

So, the gods in their mercy gave us wine to ease the pain of our mortality.

Very Funny

Something awful.