Slithy Blog

2003-05-20T12:40:00.000-07:00

Final Words

Haiku's very short---
Over much too soon; and yet,
It lasts forever.

2003-05-13T00:52:00.000-07:00

Lazy Sluggard

So you found me out. I'm lazy. I haven't posted much the last few days because I didn't feel like it.

Friday night, Susan went off to some female party where everyone dressed to represent their current life transition. Yeah. I am so very, very glad I didn't have to go to that.

Then Holly begged, pleaded, and promised everything if she could spend the night with her friend. So, of course, I relented.

Suddenly free, I humped off downtown to the Unitarian Church for an evening of singing in the Southern Indian style. It was sponsored by the local "Rasika" Indian cultural society, and there were maybe 200 Indians in attendance, families and all, plus, me and, maybe, 9 other caucasians. Accoustics were bad, but what a voice that woman had. The female singer from India sat in the center of the three male musicians. She was emphatically in charge. This was traditional, but not classical. One guy sat cross-legged and played a violin that he held in place with his foot. Another played enthusiastic tabla, and the third, well, he played a mouth harp---what was, in my younger day, called a juice harp or jews harp, depending on your accent and region of the country. They were incredible. She sang (like a gandarva) and they played for over three hours straight, electronic shruti box humming. Music is obviously more than a career for them. It's their life and love. They must have spent years perfecting their art, including the guy on the mouth harp. He even did a solo on the thing, and it was enchanting.

Then, Saturday, I did stuff like run three miles and mow the yard. Oh, and I won a seed spitting contest at Holly's school's "Country Fair."

Sunday, Mothers Day, was a borderline disaster. We don't need to go into it. Pain and misunderstandings. Divorce on the horizon like mid-western storm clouds. But it just hangs there. Nothing to do but wait.

Monday was a little better. I'm nuts.

Oh, and tonight I saw "A Mighty Wind. Amusing enough. I liked it. Not as good as Spinal Tap. But worth seeing.

I may stop this blog. I should focus on writing fiction. This is a distraction, and, to be honest, a lonely waste of time. Me and the computer screen. Late into the night.

2003-05-12T17:09:00.000-07:00

Dangerous Propaganda

Michael Moore's Bowling for Columbine was, from many credible sources, a complete hatchet job on the gun control issue, full of distortions and outright lies. Now it looks like he's got funding for more of the same, but this time it's Bush who is in for the treatment. Rather than being shamed out of Hollywood, Moore is being rewarded and encouraged for making "a great movie". Triumph of the Will was a great movie, too.

2003-05-08T11:22:00.000-07:00

Welcome, O' Seekers of the Clean

Heh. I noticed a drastic increase in traffic on this site (up 300 - 400%) over the last few days. I would never have guessed the reason. In one of my posts a couple of days ago (May 3), I casually included a phrase from an old Mr. Clean TV commercial jingle: "...cleans your whole house and everything that's in it."

It turns out that most of the people coming this site, lately, were searching for that phrase. Why? I'm curious.

So, please, do me a favor. If you came to this site after a search for that phrase, please take a second and comment on your motivation. Was it nostalgia? Are you a marketing student? Has there been a Mr. Clean event of some sort that I missed?

I know, I know. You're all asking yourselves, "What does John think is the single most successful TV commercial jingle of all time?"

And here it is. This one has echoed in my head for at least 40 years:

Premium Saltines, reclosable pack
You open 'em up, and you close 'em back.
No crackers to split up, they're evenly stacked,
And they stay fresh
'til
The very last cracker.
Premium Saltines.

I suspect it was originally broadcast as part of some sort of under-funded government mind-control plot.

2003-05-07T09:42:00.000-07:00

Evil Laughter

Am I wrong to hate someone I don't know just because of their laugh? Some guy here at work has a loud, obnoxious laugh, more of a roaring chuckle, actually, and I detest him. Each laughing outburst starts with a short, open-mouthed "heh, heh..." and quickly becomes an endless, tight-lipped "hnnc, hnnc, hnnc, hnnc, hnnc, hnnc, hnnc, hnnc, hnnc, hnnc, hnnc, hnnc..." that echoes loudly in his, apparently, hollow skull. At this very moment he stands in the door to the Dilbert cubicle across from mine, periodically laughing insanely at minor points of humor that he himself has made. This scenario repeats often, and on a daily basis.

Now, I like people to be happy. I, myself, have a warped and active sense of humor. I often stand around in the hallway laughing at stupid jokes and outrageous observations. So maybe this is karma.

I still despise the guy. I get a strong, strong urge to mimic him loudly. I resist. He laughs. I get the urge again. I clamp my hands over my ears and can still hear him. Finally, finally he strolls away. Blessed (relative) silence.

On a related note, this looks like a good book. I think I'll look it up at the library.

2003-05-05T14:01:00.000-07:00

And I'll Bet He Was Bald

Otzi the Iceman wasn't some chickensh*t sheep herder who fell in a hole. He was a warrior or adventurer (or outlaw) killed in battle. What a great story someone needs to write. hmmmm. Or maybe Robert E. Howard already did with the Conan stories.

And he sure looks bald to me...

2003-05-05T13:41:00.000-07:00

Iraqi Euphoria Continues

Why am I not surprised? Apparently many reporters are greatly exagerating the "anti-American" demonstrations. According to this article, they still love us there.

2003-05-03T23:30:00.000-07:00

And Now for Something Completely Different

So I got this bright idea of saving a few dollars and getting my 10 y.o. daughter (who is up for any adventure) to cut my hair. She dutifully buzzed away at it per my instructions and left me with a mediocre to embarassing look. I decided to touch it up myself. Holding a small mirror for a reflection of a reflection in front of the bathroom mirror, I took more and more off. Awkward to cut like that, but it was actually coming out not too bad. Short, but not too bad. But wait. As I artistically whisked away fluffs of hair with the electric buzzcutter, the little plastic teeth popped off, the ones that assure a reasonable distance between head and blades. I didn't notice in time. I carved a canyon from the top of my forehead to the top of my head head. A closely shaved canyon.

It's very interesting being bald. It's different. If I pull my ears into points, puff my cheeks, and make big eyes at the mirror, I can look like a goblin. I have a single gold ear ring, so if I fold my arms and stick out my chest I can look like Mr. Clean (cleans your whole house and everything that's in it). Or I can just relax and maintain a neutral expression and look a little like Lex Luthor Kojak Picard and a quite a bit like Kennewick Man, who was, after all, discovered only about 70 miles from where I live. (My nose is smaller and my cheekbones less pronounced.) But here's the real kicker.

I'm starting to like it.

It got rid of a lot of grey hair. Makes me look younger. Now I'm sort of a handsome devil. This may be my look.

Plus. I won't have to comb my hair in the morning (saving 5 minutes/day x 365 days = 30.4166 hours per year). I will use almost no shampoo. I will have no more bad hair days. I will save over $100 per year in barber fees. And, I will fear no lice.

2003-05-02T09:05:00.000-07:00

Creeping Socialism from Socialist Creeps

What socialist country contains the local governments that this Fox news article refers to:

"According to examples from the report, governments condemned a family's home so that a manager of a planned new golf course could live in it; evicted four elderly siblings from their home of 60 years so developers could build a private industrial park; and removed a woman in her 80s from her home of 55 years in order, they said, to expand a sewer plant. Instead, the municipality ended up giving the woman's home to an auto dealership."

I know, I know. This wasn't socialism. These were probably cases of corrupt officials using the power of their office to help their friends, line their own pockets, and accumulate more power. But that is exactly what happens in socialist countries. Just look at Europe, China, Russia, California, etc...

2003-04-29T15:15:00.000-07:00

Hillary Apologizes to Bush

SOUTHINGTON, Conn. -- In a tearful speech Monday night, U.S. Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton apologized to the Bush administration and to the American people for having been such a "lying, spiteful, power-hungry bitch" and promised to do better in the future. She admited that her husband's administration had the worst economic policies since the "catastrophic presidency" of Jimmy Carter and had passed on to Bush an economy on the edge of collapse. But Bush, she said, is on the right track with his planned tax cuts, noting, "There is no better way to get the economy jump-started than to allow the workers of America to keep and spend more of the money they have earned."

Clinton, D-N.Y., told about 1,550 Connecticut Democrats that an increasing number of Americans are happy with Bush's policies.

"There is a sense of quiet elation," she told the party faithful gathered at the Democrats' annual Jefferson Jackson Bailey dinner in Southington. "People have stopped listening to the hateful demagoguery of the Democrats and, instead, believe what they hear and what they see."

Hillary disputed the claim made by some that she is totally devoid of integrity. She pointed out that if she had been totally devoid of integrity she would have used this keynote speech to spew hatred and false accusations at the Bush administration as a way of sucking up to the hard-line Democrat party faithful in attendance. "I would have played you like the obsequious party hacks you are," she said. "You would have been cheering every lie and sneering insult I could level at Bush. I would have had you chanting 'Four legs good, two legs better,' by the end of the evening," she quipped, in an apparent reference to the simple-minded sheep in Animal Farm, Orwell's famous satire of duplicity and double talk by the power-hungry leaders of the Communist Party.

---Read the Entire Speech---

2003-04-28T01:36:00.000-07:00

Patriot Act

What's with this?

2003-04-28T01:35:00.000-07:00

Dubouble Fubeatuber

That's in Ubaduby.

Beer, chips, and a DVD with El Mariachi on one side and Desperado on the other.

El Mariachi: the budget so low that, although it's in color, it seems like black and white; silly, bloody, predictable plot; unknown actors; Mexican Spanish with English subtitles; however, through some magic of enthusiasm, sincerity, and talent it works really, really well. Wonderful movie. How did they do that?

Desperado: Hollywood's bigger budget sequel. Real actors; bigger booms; Salma and Antonio naked; slicker editing; guitarcase rocket launchers---it's an abominable piece of crap. It almost works if you think of it as a parody of El Mariachi, but not quite. Why would they do this? (Oh, yeah, now I remember. Money.)

2003-04-24T22:37:00.000-07:00

Original Platitude

Self confidence is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

2003-04-23T22:41:00.000-07:00

SAD

I'm bidding on a light therapy box on Ebay. Thus far I have the highest bid---there have been 5 other bids to this point. I keep getting an image of all my fellow bidders for this particular device staring glumly at their screens and saying things like, "I don't know...should I buy this thing? If I don't win the bid, I'll kill myself..."

Oregon has a dark and rather cynical climate through the winter, and I've noticed a definite lifting of my chronic depression when I get sunlight. Two days ago at work I felt a horrible, sad, claustrophobic, almost panicky sense of inertia. Stuck in a boring, boring job. Marital disasters looming. Bad. But when I went outside for a few minutes and the sun came out for the first time in maybe a week, bingo. The depression drained away like dirty water out of a bath tub. Plus, I recently read another study about the beneficial effects of bright light therapy. So, bright light it is. But, if I don't win this bid... I'll probably buy a half gallon of fudge brownie ice cream and eat it watching an old movie.

In fact, I did that very thing the other night with Mad Max.

2003-04-21T01:39:00.000-07:00

Holes

So, if you have some kid that you'd like to treat to a movie, this is one of two films that are out right now that you should take them to. If they cancel at the last minute, go ahead and go by yourself. It's not Fellini, but it's really fun. People spontaneously applauded at the end.

I took my 10 y.o. daughter and her friend. They sat apart from me. I told them they could do that, and, delighted, they slid right into the opportunity, only coming back to where I sat to collect the two pops I smuggled in for them (what a dad). They were about 10 rows in front of me (I like sitting in the back row, because I hate having people in back of me during a movie, crunching popcorn and talking). I watched them, while the lights were still up, heads together, talking intensely, as little girls do.

Oh, and the other is Spirited Away. Definately see Spirited Away and Holes.

2003-04-18T01:08:00.000-07:00

8 1/2

Fellini, again. I rented the DVD and got through the first 45 minutes or so. Really excellent books and movies always have the effect of making me feel, "I could do that." Organic simplicity, with all the parts fitting together and flowing naturally from each other, makes a real work of art seem so obvious, so easy. Like life. This movie has it.

I wish I could do that.

UPDATE: Sunday. I finished it. I love it. There just isn't another filmaker like Fellini. Dreams, art, life, illusion, humor, reality. Truth and the frustration of trying to express it. It's hard not to sound pretentious when dealing with these things. Somehow he manages it; I can't, so I'll leave it at that. This movie is poetry.

2003-04-18T00:35:00.000-07:00

A Confession

Ok, this seems weird, I know, but I find I actually like Monica Lewinski. I've seen her a few times on various TV shows, and there's something charming about her, sexy even.

Right. Go ahead and laugh at me. Ha, ha.

Ok. You can stop now.

I said, you can stop laughing now---for Christsake it's not that funny.

2003-04-17T15:41:00.000-07:00

You Just Never Know

And here's proof. Would you have pegged this kid as someone on his way to becoming the richest man in the world?

2003-04-16T00:33:00.000-07:00

The Value of a Bad Memory

I watch the fish in my aquarium swim to one end, turn around and swim to the other. I get the impression they are surprised each time they reach a wall. Sometimes I get the feeling that's me.

I can remember that certain books and movies are good or boring, but after about 10 years I can't remember exactly why. So, I revisit the ones I remember as being good, and hey, I was right! My taste in art exactly matches my own. (Or something like that) Often, and this is especially true for science fiction, of which I've read a ton, I get halfway through a book before I realize I've read it before. But it's generally still fresh and amusing, and I seldom remember the ending, so I read on. I've read all the Nero Wolfe mysteries at least twice, starting circa 1975, and I figure around 2005 I'll be ready to start working my way through again. I'm looking forward to that. (I hope I remember to do it. Maybe I should leave myself a note...)

I rented Amadeus the other night, and bingo, it's a great movie, just as I had it so incitefully classified (although it has about as much in common with the real Mozart's life as Shakespear In Love does with the life of that Stratfordian fraud, Shaksper). It left me wanting to listen to "The Magic Flute," and "Requiem." And now that I think of it, that's just the effect it had the first time I saw it. (Oh, and one other opera who's name I will remember when I see it... ahhh, I've got it---low baritone, rising then sinking at the end: "Don Giovaaaaaaaaanni")

2003-04-14T23:41:00.000-07:00

Airtoons

Heh, Heh. You're gonna want to visit this link pointed out by Buttafly. Reminds me a little of MST2K (only different).

2003-04-14T10:48:00.000-07:00

Amnesia International

Amnesty International is apparently already prepared to forgive and forget Iraq's human right's abuses. AI's main concern, after all the emerging evidence of torture and murder by Sadaam's regime, is "...about the mounting toll of civilian casualties in Iraq and the reported use of cluster bombs by US forces in heavily populated areas." Reported by whom? They don't present credible evidence that these things were widespread, or even existed. Oh, wait! They cite the BBC and Robert Fisk.... Like I said, no credible evidence.

And, instead of celebrating the fact that the US has freed Iraqis from the grip of human rights abuse of Biblical proportions, AI complains about,

"Widespread looting and arson. Lawlessness and reprisal attacks. Water shortages and power cuts. Overwhelmed and ransacked hospitals. Disorder hampering humanitarian relief agencies. This is the grim reality facing millions of Iraqi civilians in areas newly under the control of US/UK forces."

True, I suppose, but these are all expected side-effects of any war, and, more importantly, none have been inflicted by the US on purpose. In fact the US is trying hard to ameliorate them. If these problems turn out to be anything other than short term, then I may pay attention to leftists' whining complaints about them.

And, after the U.N. basically left the Iraqis hanging out to dry (by their thumbs) for the last 12 years:

"Amnesty International calls for the urgent establishment of a United Nations (UN) commission of experts to develop proposals for a program that would address comprehensively the issue of justice in Iraq, with the participation of Iraqi civil society."

A UN commission of experts...right. What an excellent idea. The commission could put Turkey in charge of the Kurdish region, as a reward for refusing entry privileges to the US aggressors. To Syria could go the job of managing Iraq's northern oil fields and the Saudis could be in charge of the southern oil fields.They could put Chirac in charge of Iraq's economy and Putin could handle rebuilding Iraq's defense forces. China should be an excellent choice for covering up, I mean disposing of, Iraq's WMD, since they probably know where they are all located. Oh, and they could put Libya in charge of investigating Sadaam's human rights abuses.

AI has an article about "excessive use of police force" against war protesters by the United States. But nowhere on their site can I find even a mention of the torture chambers, electric torture devices, and mass graves that are the scummy residue of Sadaam's fithy regime. It has a high-sounding name, but what is Amnesty International really about?

2003-04-11T14:53:00.000-07:00

Law Suit Implications

Someone here at work just said that the peace protesters in Chicago are suing the city because they weren't provided porta-potties at their march. Hmmm... Does this mean they're admitting the marchers were full of sh*t?

2003-04-11T14:36:00.000-07:00

Found It.

Really fun zoomable satellite image of Baghdad here at Space.com I was able to zoom in and locate the famous traffic circle where the statue was pulled down. It's also the location of the camera delivering the picture named "Baghdad Live" on many web places like cbsnews.com. To find it, click once with the cursor on one of the two big islands just above the upper bend of the river. Let the picture sharpen, then click on the circular object in the middle of the first major road to the right of the river, about level with the bigger of the two islands. When you zoom all the way in on that circle, you can see the turquoise dome of the mosque and the statue itself, still standing when the pic was taken. It's near the lower right edge of the park in the middle of the traffic circle. About half a block to the left of that circle is the roof of the hotel where the camera is located and where the reporters are staying. At least that's how I interpret the image.

2003-04-11T13:59:00.000-07:00

Worth the Price of Admission

From Page Six.com

BILL Clinton was booed Wednesday night when he took the stage at the Beacon Theater at the start of a Willie Nelson concert. "The place went wild when [Clinton] was announced," said our spy. "There was loud booing and yelling." Clinton "seemed angered" and made a comment about "angry Republicans," which stirred the crowd on more. "There was so much anti-Clinton booing and yelling that when Willie came back out, he asked if everyone was all right . . .

Willie should take notice of the Ditsy Twits' career limiting maneuver and think about who he's inviting on stage at his concerts. I would have loved to be there, just to have Clinton actually hear me boo him.

2003-04-10T16:03:00.000-07:00

Liberal Take

So this is how the Left will deal with the jubilance of the liberated Iraqis. They will simply ignore all the good and focus on the temporary confusion and disorder. Robert Fisk is truly despicable.